From 'I do' to 'Why should I?': What's driving current generation to rethink marriage

For generations, marriage was considered one of the strongest social institutions in Kerala. Today, however, that picture is changing rapidly. More couples are ending their marriages, while many young people are choosing to postpone marriage—or avoid it altogether.

The shift is clearly reflected in family court records. Over the past five years, divorce petitions in Kerala have increased by nearly 87 percent. Courts handled 18,886 petitions in 2020. By 2025, that number had climbed to 35,238. On average, around 2,418 couples are now filing for divorce every month. But the story goes beyond rising divorce statistics.

Lawyers, counsellors and mental health professionals say they are seeing a noticeable change in attitudes toward marriage, particularly among younger people. More women are focusing on higher education, career growth and financial independence before considering marriage. At the same time, many men who wish to marry say they are finding it difficult to find partners whose expectations match their own.

For some, remaining single is no longer viewed as a temporary phase but as a conscious life choice. Others delay marriage because they have grown up witnessing troubled relationships at home or carry emotional scars from previous experiences.

Different outlook on marriage

Psychologists say fear of marriage itself is becoming more common among some young adults. The condition, often referred to as gamophobia, is driven less by fear of commitment than by anxiety over the responsibilities and expectations that come with married life.

Anas Tharakan, Assistant Professor at GEMS College, Malappuram, says many young people worry about the emotional, financial and social obligations attached to marriage. According to him, this hesitation is becoming increasingly visible among students and young professionals.

Psychiatrist Dr. Vivek Ullattil believes the trend is also influencing broader demographic patterns, including Kerala's declining birth rate.

Experts say younger generations, exposed to global lifestyles and changing social values, increasingly place individual happiness and personal freedom alongside—or sometimes above—traditional family expectations. Psychiatrist Dr. Arun B. Nair says many no longer see self-sacrifice as an unquestioned requirement of married life, preferring relationships that allow room for personal aspirations and independence.

Cities lead the trend

The highest number of divorce cases continues to come from Kerala's urban centres.

Thiruvananthapuram recorded 4,946 divorce petitions in 2025, the highest in the state. Kollam followed with 4,208 cases, while Ernakulam registered 3,945. Thrissur also remained among the districts with consistently high numbers.

Legal experts and counsellors point to several common reasons behind marital breakdowns. Physical or emotional abuse remains a major factor. Extramarital relationships, conflicts over personal freedom, and changing expectations within marriage are also frequently cited. Some experts also believe that greater exposure to Western ideas about individual autonomy has influenced how younger couples view relationships and personal fulfilment.

Relationships are evolving

Counsellors say they are also encountering couples exploring relationship models that were once rarely discussed openly, including open marriages, where partners mutually agree to seek intimacy outside the relationship while remaining legally married. Although such arrangements remain uncommon, experts say they reflect a broader willingness among some couples to redefine what commitment means.

To help couples navigate changing expectations, family counsellors increasingly recommend premarital counselling, open communication before marriage, realistic discussions about finances and careers, and making time for the relationship despite professional commitments. They also stress that compromise and patience remain essential in sustaining long-term partnerships.

Kerala's rising divorce numbers do not necessarily point to the collapse of marriage as an institution. Instead, they reflect changing expectations about what people want from a relationship. For many, marriage is no longer something to be preserved at any cost. Increasingly, it is expected to provide companionship, mutual respect and personal fulfilment.

Whether this marks the beginning of a fundamentally different model of family life or simply a new phase in the evolution of marriage remains to be seen. What is clear is that Kerala is witnessing one of the most significant shifts in its social landscape in decades.